Dark Past

Dark Past

By: James Dubeau

Why does the dark past

Invoke such nightmares

Upon the soul

And set the mind

Tumbling

Through time and space

Not letting rest

Reach weary eyes

When the night runs long

Mental guards drop

Letting murky ooze

Seep though

Poisoning the mind

Sending it in spirals

Bringing back

Every detail

Every smile

Every laugh

Every thought

Every emotion

Of those days

Long ago

Tearing tenuously healed wounds

Open and raw

Fresh searing pain

Which can only be cured

With more time

Whiskey

And sleep

Dance Becomes Me

Dance Becomes Me

By: James Dubeau

Living on the razor

I step cautiously upon the blade

The knife edge slices into my flesh

Greasy blood trails in my wake

Careful not to slip

Not to fall

To either side

A cough emerges

From my parched throat

Keeping me awake

Though the midnight hours

Not permitting sleep

Peaceful rest

To rejuvenate my body

Hunger aches deep in my belly

My soul cries

With a cracking voice

I can do this

Silent at first

But growing

Stronger

Louder

No longer do I fear

Swirling storm clouds

Or a heaven turned black

Big wet drops plummet

Washing away my blood soaked trail

And razor transforms

To a moss covered garden path

I am drenched from head to toe

Smiling

Dance becomes me

A Great Weight

A Great Weight
By: James Dubeau

A great weight
Is upon me
Pressing down
Pinning my back
To the mattress
Limbs slowly respond
But yet
Lack the strength
To propel my body
From under the weight
Darkness
Surrounds me
Blackness
Does not take me away
Green glowing numbers
Moonlight through the shade
Pervasive through closed lids
A motor turns over
Somewhere beyond
Audible through ringing silence
My mind cries out
Yearning for the black
Desolation
Silence
Peace

Dark Days

Dark Days
By: James Dubeau

Staring into the darkness
Can’t tell if my eyes
Are open
Or closed
Rain rattles against the window
Closing me in
Cutting off
The rest of the world
Wetness wells in my eyes
Shivers down my body
I don’t want to be alone
Not right now
Not on these dark days

Late Afternoon Coffee

Late Afternoon Coffee
By: James Dubeau

Coffee coffee
Burning bright
Oh hot beverage
Which I delight
But when it becomes
Time to sleep
Please leave my system
Before I weep
When the sun rises high
In the sky
And I shuffle off to work
Feeling that I would die

Can’t Sleep, Must Write

Can’t Sleep, Must Write
By: James Dubeau

When evening comes
Exhaustion wins
Driving me
To bed for sleep
However
Mister Sandman
Has not found me
Willing to take
His gift of rest
My eyes
Grow heavy
Can’t keep them open
But my mind
Is alive
Screaming
To dance and play
Creating visions
Playing out scenarios
Thinking things through
More than is needed
Why does this happen
I scream to my pillow
Is it because
My two jobs
Do not leave time
To properly unwind
Or is it simply
That I’m overtired
And my body is rebelling
Against the lack of sleep
If that was so
Then why can I
Only fall asleep
After write a poem
Or three
I fear
This is due
To my need
My want
My drive
To create
Without scratching
Words on paper
I am nothing
But just a simple man
With a pen in my hand
I open the floodgates
Of my mind
Creating
Worlds to play in
Releasing
Built-up pressure
Keeping me awake
Each night

When I Close My Eyes

When I Close My Eyes
By: James Dubeau

When I close my eyes
My mind drifts to you
Laying beside me
Illuminated by moonlight
With that twinkle in your eye
I reach for you
To pull you in
Hold you close
But my hands come up empty
I cannot touch
Hear
Smell
See
Or taste you
But that is my penance
To be paid
For the exuberance I feel
When I see you again

This Glowing Screen

This Glowing Screen
By: James Dubeau

This glowing screen
Before my eyes
Is a torment
Of daemons
And devils
For once it is lit
During the darkest of night
My eyes cannot close
Sleep becomes my plight
Sooner or later
I shall learn
To take up a sword
And vanquish those
Who oppose weary slumber

Insomnia Thoughts

Insomnia Thoughts
By: James Dubeau

As I lay here
In my bed
My eyes are closed
But not my head
Body aches
It’s not well fed
Mind races
Reviewing what’s said
Filling it all
With fear and dread
But I must keep
Tugging at this thread
For sooner or later
I shall be dead

Large Red Numbers

Large Red Numbers
By: James Dubeau

Large red numbers
Dimly illuminate
Counting down the minutes
Until the morning sun rises
This bed
Is not as comfortable
As it once was
The secrets of sleep
Are no longer provided
Thoughts race on by
While I lay
Awake
No matter how heavy
My eyes have become
No longer
Can I lay
With arms around my pillow
It is not the same
As it once was
With a heavy sigh
I roll over
But you are not there
My arms will remain empty
While another minute
Ticks by on the
Large red numbers

My Eyes Are Closed

My Eyes Are Closed
By: James Dubeau

My eyes are closed
But my brain can’t see
The images playing out
In my mind
All that appears
On the blank screen
Is swirling black
And gray
Not the rolling green hills
Or white picket fence
Or even the little white sheep
Bounding here and there
Over the fence
To escape the world
Of my pre-dream
Fantasy