Monday, January 23, 2006

Empty Husk

On the corner of third and main
Her empty husk did lie
No thoughts, no feelings
Not even regret
Nothingness where pain should be
Naked to the world
Her skeleton exposed
Empty on the inside
With no shame

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

A Passive Afternoon in Aggressive Romance

Pat, 29, is at his home in the living room that he shares with his girlfriend, Hannah, 27. It is a modest townhouse, decorated of Hannah's sunflower themes. Even she wonders if she is overboard on the sunflower things, but it started out simple, and so to speak, bloomed. Damn, was she turning into her mother...the next level being antiques. On a day recently, the couple had these things to say...

Pat: “I have things that …Hannah?...I need to do get done today.”

Hannah: “Huh? Anyway, this new boss we got at work is a real…”

Pat: “Yo, sunflower, did you hear me? I said I got some stuff I gotta do today, hun hun”

Hannah: “…And I was totally minding my own business and he comes up and says…”

Pat: “Hannah! Did you hear me…?!”

Hannah: “Jesus…fine, I won’t talk at all…I mean half the damn time I feel I’m talking to the wall anyway!”

Pat: “Must I really listen to a sentence like that…I mean, ‘fine I won’t talk at all'…C’mon…again, I’m just saying I gotta go out for awhile…There’s no need for…just show me some sun, baby...”

Hannah: “I’m sorry…(as she walks over and wraps her rays around him her face is inches away from his) It’s just you worked all week and I worked all week and I thought we could just stay in…use the blender and drink some margaritas…watch a movie and be bums or buddies...both.”

Pat: “We can…It’s only Friday and I shouldn’t even be gone that long anyway, I mean I wish I could just stay in too, but for me that’s not in the cards today.”

Hannah: “Can’t we talk with the dealer…get a new hand? I’ll make it worth your while?”

Pat: "And just how will you do that missy kitty?"

Hannah: "The way you like it and then a good a little later the way I like it too."

Pat and Hannah have been together for going on three years, and Hannah is waiting for some kind of ring, while Pat wants to do just that, but is unsure of exactly how. Some would say Pat is your standard indecisive guy at a crossroads in his life cascading slowly towards thirty. Hannah, is none too subtle in dropping hints, and Pat is a pro at deflection, as he just talks then of animals. He has found that beyond socialization, every girl is hard-wired biologically for either animals or little, cute babies. He tells his friends and colleagues of his theory. Luckily for Pat, right now anyway, Hannah is an animal nut. His friends joke with him and try to debunk his theory by simply asking about all the "damn sunflower things."

Hannah: “So, what’s my big tall strong man gotta do with all that time? It must be pretty important if you you’re givin’ up (Exaggerated voice) precious time with sweet little me. I mean I ain’t just any old regular little princess, dear.”

Pat: “Yeah, I know.”

H: “Hey mister, what’s that supposed to mean?”

P: I don’t know, what did you mean?”

H: “I’m just flirting with you, I mean flirting can be an end in its self, don’t ya think? And if you’re back too late at least I got to have my teasin’ with ya…and you know I don’t have a bloated sense of myself like that…you know that.”

P: “Yeah I know…we’ve actually discussed…”

H: “Yeah, we both know where our respective self-esteems stand…you can be so, I don’t know, like what he said…that Teddy Roosevelt or someone like...”

P: “What? What in the hell does that mean?! Ted... ”

H: “Speak softly but carry a big stick, know what I mean, like he said…”

P: “Yeah I know…that’s…” ( smug smile).

H: “No, no, NO…That’s not what I mean; you can be so passive-aggressive, that’s what I mean, so man’s man with your whiskey and all that. I think you’re kind of swishy… I, darling do, what do ya think of that…huh?”

P: “Where the hell did you even come up with that…I mean…Teddy Roosevelt and..?!…as we get older I wish you would stop using those dime-store phrases. That can be so embarrassing when you throw one of those out…right… when we’re in public?”
H: “Ohhh…just settle….settle down, you haven't heard that before?”

P: “Woman you can be so silly…no, I guess not”

H: “I read it in that quotation book that came with the thesaurus and dictionary set. There are some good ones in there.”

P: “…And you can drive me so nuts…sometimes.”

H: “Do I?”

P: “Yes, miss…come here…”

H: “I hope that’s a good thing?”

P: “Depends.”

H: “On?”

P: “On…On? On the dealer!”

H: “Oh, stop it with that whole card thing…”

P: “Sure, if you stop bein’…Ahhhh, presidential.”

H: “Okay…I just hope you get home soon, putty puh-leez” (Whisper) “K…”

P: “So, is that your big stick then...right there...'putty puh-leez' "(mockingly).

H: “Pat…c'mon”

P: “Yeah..k...sorry?”

H: “What do you gotta do?”

Pat locks the door to his residence and walks down the hall, and then outside into the light. Pat drives off and parks at his friend Sam’s house. He gets out and goes in.

Pat: “So, hey, what’s up?”

Sam: “Took ya long enough, busy with that woman of yours?”

Pat: “No, not really…I mean you know how it is…I had to work and yeah, I spent some time with Hannah.”

Sam: “Yeah, I bet! I bet double I would puke if I heard you in your quiet tender moments…Puttin’ words that don’t belong with sugar and sweet and all that spazzy lingo jambo stuff.”

P: “The older ya get, the more you section yourself off. Sometimes it gets so smothering, but yet in a way, I need it, or I get comfortable with it…something. But, I can pretty much do what I want when I want.”

S: “Yeah…sure... that’s why you’re late…comfortable?”

P: “No, I told her from the very first date, I ain’t the type of guy that goes and gets all whooped up and back around…no, not me, not this guy.”

S: “Sure…enough… really your relationship is not much of a priority…, I just was waiting and I coulda picked up some damn cat food or something. Don’t worry about it; I’m just givin’ ya a little shit. It just seems sometimes you give me excuses vicariously through Hannah’s guilting of you…or at least you’ve talked ‘bout that before…last year after my birthday…”

P: “Well, what do you do with all your time?...And I do what I want when I want, Hannah's...”

S: “Yeah, Hannah's subtle...and all I have is all the time. What I don’t have is what to do with it. I date…but it’s easier to break dates than keep them and takes up less time, I guess you could say I like my time.”

P: “Maybe if you didn’t date all those younger girls, I mean what do you guys talk about? What do you have in common? I would pull my hair out.”

S: “You should think about pullin’ somethin’…”

P: “Like Playdoh in your hand, but…”

S: “…Else out…dude, you don’t get it…”

P: “How long can that…?”

S: “Don’t underestimate ‘em.”

P: “…amuse you?”

S: “Plenty…long enough…they need father figures…”

P: “I would like to think it’s the other way around…anyway, I’m sure there are pluses and minuses…and you’re not hurtin’ anyone.”

S: That’s right…They are the ones that always want to hang out.”

P: “And you say I'm the master of over-rationalization, yeah, um, where's the beer?”

S: “No, you're the excuse king...either it's money, or you're tired, or you...I don't know...I don't know, but it gets old, and sometimes I wonder why bother...maybe it's that hint of narcissism...

P: "Dude, no...I..."

S: "Oh, here we go, another one...anyway, whatever...are you still on that only smoke when you drink thing?"

P: “No, that didn’t really work out. I ended up drinking more just so I could smoke. For awhile there, I was becoming a big drinker. Just so I could smoke...that's...”

S: “Ludicrous…that was insane, I told you that was insane and would never work”

P: “No, I’m done with the cigarettes …for now.”

S: “Well, pour yourself a drink, and stay away from those damn things”

P: “You?”

S: “Yeah, but we should get going.”

P: “Yeah, we should…I told Hannah I wouldn’t be that long.”

Saturday, January 07, 2006

I am Mentally Exhausted

work, school, school, work
leaves time for myself
always on the go
never a moment to think
mind always racing
no time for sleep
sleep is for the weak
been going strong for months
full day of work
full day of school
all in the same day

Now, here I am
With a spare free moment
Blank computer screen in front of me
Unable to write
I am mentally exhausted