Forgiveness?

Forgiveness?
By: James Dubeau

As I lie still
My brain is awake
Going over
The instant
It all went bad
I'm sorry
I wasn’t there for you
I’m sorry
I wasn’t your friend
When you needed one
I’m sorry
My shoulder wasn’t there
For your eyes to weep upon
I’m sorry
I laughed and poked fun
When you were hurt
I’m sorry
All that I did
Was selfish
I did not know
Realize
What had been done
Damn
I deserve the hate
Wound up
Inside of you
Target me with it
If you would like
I deserve it
I want it
Go ahead
Don't hold back
You should not hesitate
To give me what I have coming
I know you are just as tired
Of all this as I am
But there are no more reasons
To lose sleep
When we can
Get it out
Into the open
And close this rift
Sure
It looks like
This may take some time
While we sort
Everything out
But that will be time
What we need to do
In order to get
Everything back
To where
It once was
To where
We can be friends
Once again
I will be waiting
And writing
My thoughts
And feelings
Until that time
Is here

I Don't Know

I Don’t Know
By: James Dubeau

I don’t know
What to say
What to think
When I look into your eyes
In bygone pictures
Of bygone times
All that I can do
Is kick myself
For not saying hi
When I heard you were in town
When I heard about the cancer
When I heard the end was near
Why did I not
Make that one
Single
Solitary
Step
After that decade
Was it fear
Was it denial
All that I can do now
Is hope
And pray
That you are looking
Down from above
Smiling
Over all the outpouring
From friends
And family
Those near and dear
As well as those
Who stood
At arms length

You & I

You & I
By: James Dubeau

Do you remember?
What you did
Do you remember?
How you felt
Do you remember?
The satisfaction you had
Do you remember?
The torment you caused
Do you remember?

I will not forget!
What you did
I will not forget!
How I felt
I will not forget!
The disappointment I had
I will not forget!
The torment I suffered
I will not forget!

I hope
What you did
Was worth it
For
I will not
Cannot
Not now
Not ever
Forgive

I'm Sorry

I’m Sorry
By: James Dubeau

I’m sorry
For taking
So much time
Away
From my writing
Unfortunately
Most of us
Know exactly
How things are
In this day
And age
Work
Can be
All consuming
Beast
That devours
Time
And energy
Now
Take that creature
Double its size
Fore
Double headed
Double job
Work day
Runs
Eight
In the morning
To
Eleven at night
Doing its best
Reducing
The few
Fleeting
Moments
Away from the toil
To be moments
Where relaxation
Is in order
If you add
The need to eat
And the desire
To sleep
Those days
Amount of free time
Is reduced
To
Next to nothing
Looking
At a computer screen
For
A good chunk
Of my work day
Means
The last thing
I want to do
Is stare
At a computer screen
Some more
Even
If it is
For something
Fun
The act of doing
The same repetitive motions
Again
And
Again
And
Again
Is enough
To drive a man
Insane
So
What I’m getting at
Is this
I’m sorry
For not updating
The stories
And
The poems
Which have been
Promised to
You and me
For this
I
Must atone
And resume
Writing
Posting
Even if it means
Nothing
But haikus
Three
Times
A
Week
Hopefully
This shall be
Satisfactory
In moving forward
As for right now
All that I can say
Is
Thank you
And please
Keep reading

Inebriated Pleading

When I make an ass of myself
Which seems to be quite often
It is not intentional
Never has been
Never will be
I did not mean it
All that I now do
Is ask for your forgiveness
It is all that I can do
When I am in this state
Please listen to me
You are the only one
Please listen to me
Only you can
I love you
For ever and always