Unified Theory of Toast

Clink, Clink, Clink. Forks and knives tap against the side of half filled water glasses. Hoots and hollers rang out as the bride and groom did the two tongue tango. An over weight older gentleman in an ill fitting tuxedo with a bad comb-over stood, a champagne glass was held in his outstretched hand. The crowded dining area fell silent as words started to flow from his mouth.

The elder man’s words danced, flowed, and jabbed in the din light. Smiles, tears, and embarrassments struck the young bride all at once. The man that had hated all of her boyfriends, the man that was always so strict, the man that raised her, had a smile on his face as a tear rolled down his cheek. In one night he had become a sentimental old fool.

Almost as soon as it started, it was over. Glasses were raised to lips and the bubbly liquid poured into awaiting mouths. The old man sat back down as the best man stood with his glass raised. It was not long until the old man’s words were forgotten, but the pure emotion stayed in the bride’s heart. True love existed between the father and the daughter.

Got Lots of Old Stuff Lying Around

“Get me another beer!” he yelled from the couch. Clumsily the old man picked up the tv remote and started flipping channels. “Why ain’t there no damn sports on?” he yelled at Bob Barker.

Frank put the beer on the coffee table and went back to the office in his home. It had been two months since his father had escaped the home. “The nurses were worse then the damn Japs,” he had said when he showed up on Frank’s doorstep with a suitcase in hand.

For two months the old man had been making Frank’s life miserable. He rarely got up from the couch and when he did it was just to berate Frank with another volley of insults and complaints. It’s no wonder as to why the nurses hated him.

“Check out the shitter on that critter!” rang from the living room. The old man was watching day-time soaps again…