Dark Past

Dark Past

By: James Dubeau

Why does the dark past

Invoke such nightmares

Upon the soul

And set the mind

Tumbling

Through time and space

Not letting rest

Reach weary eyes

When the night runs long

Mental guards drop

Letting murky ooze

Seep though

Poisoning the mind

Sending it in spirals

Bringing back

Every detail

Every smile

Every laugh

Every thought

Every emotion

Of those days

Long ago

Tearing tenuously healed wounds

Open and raw

Fresh searing pain

Which can only be cured

With more time

Whiskey

And sleep

Dance Becomes Me

Dance Becomes Me

By: James Dubeau

Living on the razor

I step cautiously upon the blade

The knife edge slices into my flesh

Greasy blood trails in my wake

Careful not to slip

Not to fall

To either side

A cough emerges

From my parched throat

Keeping me awake

Though the midnight hours

Not permitting sleep

Peaceful rest

To rejuvenate my body

Hunger aches deep in my belly

My soul cries

With a cracking voice

I can do this

Silent at first

But growing

Stronger

Louder

No longer do I fear

Swirling storm clouds

Or a heaven turned black

Big wet drops plummet

Washing away my blood soaked trail

And razor transforms

To a moss covered garden path

I am drenched from head to toe

Smiling

Dance becomes me

Tired

Tired
By: James Dubeau

Tired
Eyes droop
Under heavy glasses
The sun has risen
But the soul has not
Heavy body
Cannot be moved
From the restful bed
Nevertheless
Work must be done
Worlds must be created
Before the sun has set
Again

Wash Over Me

Wash Over Me
By: James Dubeau

Waves of euphoria
Washed over me
As I laid there
Entwined with her
It was like
We had known each other
Forever and beyond
When we had met
Unexpectedly
The night before
As if we had never been apart
Words flowed freely
Across the pool table
Beer went down
Between the shots
When the night was over
We laughed and sang
All the way back
To my humble home
But when the alarm rang
All that my eyes did see
Was nothing but
The blinding sun
Washing over me

Late Afternoon Coffee

Late Afternoon Coffee
By: James Dubeau

Coffee coffee
Burning bright
Oh hot beverage
Which I delight
But when it becomes
Time to sleep
Please leave my system
Before I weep
When the sun rises high
In the sky
And I shuffle off to work
Feeling that I would die

Half Asleep

Half Asleep
By: James Dubeau

Long
Slow
Lazy
Movements
One
After
The other
Plodding along
To
A steady
Beat
Only
A half-step
In front
Of
Restful
Sleep

On This Night

On This Night
By: James Dubeau

On this night
I reach out
For you
To be in my arms
Held close
In this heat
That suffocates so
The land is dead
Wilted
By the oppressive sun
But the ten
In my belly
Keep me
Where I need to be
Under the air conditioning
Letting me sleep
Alone

Medicated

Medicated
By: James Dubeau

My eyes grow heavy
On this afternoon
As pen scratches paper
On this dreary day
I need to be up
Active
Moving around
Running around the block
But today
I cannot
Not while this illness
Hangs heavy
Upon my head
Keeping me weighted down
With medications
Unable to move
Unable to enjoy
That which
I typically do
All that I can
Accomplish today
Is writing these few lines
Before nodding off
Returning
To dreamless sleep

Can’t Sleep, Must Write

Can’t Sleep, Must Write
By: James Dubeau

When evening comes
Exhaustion wins
Driving me
To bed for sleep
However
Mister Sandman
Has not found me
Willing to take
His gift of rest
My eyes
Grow heavy
Can’t keep them open
But my mind
Is alive
Screaming
To dance and play
Creating visions
Playing out scenarios
Thinking things through
More than is needed
Why does this happen
I scream to my pillow
Is it because
My two jobs
Do not leave time
To properly unwind
Or is it simply
That I’m overtired
And my body is rebelling
Against the lack of sleep
If that was so
Then why can I
Only fall asleep
After write a poem
Or three
I fear
This is due
To my need
My want
My drive
To create
Without scratching
Words on paper
I am nothing
But just a simple man
With a pen in my hand
I open the floodgates
Of my mind
Creating
Worlds to play in
Releasing
Built-up pressure
Keeping me awake
Each night

Too Much

Too Much
By: James Dubeau

I eat too much
I drink too much
I work too much
I spend too much
I sleep too much
I think too much
I hope too much
I cry too much
I love too much

Is It Just Me

Is It Just Me
By: James Dubeau

Is it just me
Or does it just suck
When you wake up
Expecting a day off
When in return
All that you get
Is one phone call
A dirty
Little
Phone call
That asks
No
Demands
That on the day off
The day for relaxing
The day for production
The day for errands
That work beckons

China Doll Crimson

China Doll Crimson
By: James Dubeau

China doll eyes
Greeted my gaze
And drunken haze
My wet left hand
Lay in a crimson pool
Wrapped around the waist
Of the ginger haired girl
Particles floated through
Lighted streams
Of the morning
Western sun
A wicked red grin
Etched across the face
Of the girl with raven hair
A grin which will never
Rise once again
Stabbing pain
Wracked my mind
Their porcelain skin
Was marred
No longer pure
No longer lithe
No longer
No longer
Cobwebs slowly cleared
Letting me see through the veil
Dripping prints from my hands
Covered the women
The sheets
The walls
The knife
In my right hand
My fingers twitch
Feeling the blade
For the first time
The last time
I threw it away
Away from me
Away from the dead
Away
Through the window
Town came alive
Streets filled with people
Making their merry way
On the street corner
Looking up at me
Was the man dressed in black
His gaze met mine
Before returning to his
Silver pocket watch
He knows what happened
He knows what I did
He knows it all
I must get away
Far away from this place
Wash away the blood
And the lies
And this life
And just keep moving on
Before it all
Comes crashing down

Ravishly Imagined Never

Ravishly Imagined Never
By: James Dubeau

Wrapped only in darkness
Our two bodies writhe
Together
Passionately devouring
Lips
Souls
Feverishly hands
Rake across skin
Clawing
Grasping
Caressing
Pulling you to me
And me into you
Silken sheets drape
Across our bodies
Twisting
Tying
Binding
Our legs
Our bodies together
Star shine
Filters through
Illuminating you and I
Eyes lock
Pausing
For mere moments
Taking it all in
Heart
Mind
Body
Soul
Before attacking
Ravishing
Once again lost
In deliciously carnal
Lust

----------

My hand reaches
Across the bed
Grasping
Squeezing
Nothing but sheets
Eyes flash open
To nothingness
You were not here
Not with me
Not tonight
Not ever
Chilled air
Raises mountains
Gooseflesh upon my arms
Legs
Entire body
There was no way
You could have
Been with me
As always
Everything is a bit
Complicated
Sadness overtakes me
Only briefly
Replaced by a wolfish grin
Eyes close
As my mind
Drifts
And dances
With the
Technicolor dream
Before it fades
With the dull gray
Lights of dawn

This Glowing Screen

This Glowing Screen
By: James Dubeau

This glowing screen
Before my eyes
Is a torment
Of daemons
And devils
For once it is lit
During the darkest of night
My eyes cannot close
Sleep becomes my plight
Sooner or later
I shall learn
To take up a sword
And vanquish those
Who oppose weary slumber

Lying In Bed

Lying In Bed

By: James Dubeau

Lying in bed

Nothing is said

For I am one

Tired

Road dog

Eyes are red

Heavy with sleep

But my work isn’t done

As I lay here

Pondering about sleep

And dreading the day to come

Unfinished work begins to eek out

From these weary fingers

Something has gotta give

And with a little luck

A muse’s call is answered

It may just be a little something

For tonight

But I’ll take what I can get

And that is all I need

To fall asleep

Happy

My Eyes Are Closed

My Eyes Are Closed
By: James Dubeau

My eyes are closed
But my brain can’t see
The images playing out
In my mind
All that appears
On the blank screen
Is swirling black
And gray
Not the rolling green hills
Or white picket fence
Or even the little white sheep
Bounding here and there
Over the fence
To escape the world
Of my pre-dream
Fantasy

Mental Vomit

Mental Vomit
By: James Dubeau

My eyes are heavy
With the sleep
That eludes me
For several days now
They burn
With the fire
Of a thousand suns
While they are open
And the fire
Of two thousand
While closed
Only one thing
Can cool the burn
And bring the sleep
Which I desire
If only I could
Open my mind
Letting it all
Vomit upon the page
Any and all
That my heart desires
Love
Hate
And everything in between
In a spurge of creativity
Allowing my brain
Some space to relax
Stretch its legs out
And have a beer
While my body rests
Deep in slumber
That has been due
For quite some time

On This Night

On This Night
By: James Dubeau

On this night
Of storms and such
I do want
To write so much
But my eyes
Grow weak and weary
Days been long
With rain and dreary
I must sleep
To gain my strength
Must be done
At any length

As I Lay Here

As I Lay Here
By: James Dubeau

As I lay here
Eyes awake
Thoughts and dreams
My soul does make
Sleep is needed
Which can’t be fake
Or soon the day will come
Where I will break

Tired

Tired
By: James Dubeau

Tired in the morning
Tired at night
Tired at the mid day meal
Tired all the time
Tired when the alarm rings
Tired when snooze hits
Tired as I crawl out of bed
Tired driving to work
Tired as fingers grace the keys
Tired as the mouse slides about
Tired on the drive home
Tired while watching TV
Tired while writing lines
Tired while revising
Tired when going to bed
Tired
Tired
Tired
Why can’t I sleep