How Am I Not Myself?

When something like this happens
I'm inherently a small boy with a hairy chest
Alarmed and unsure, I lash out (subliminally & subversively)
To protect from schoolyard bullies
(Except I already have one of my own, he's nine)
But in a way, I don't really mean it

Sometimes I feel a little left out
Because these people are just a little weird
(It's definitely not me, they have a tribal mentality)
I pretend like I don't care and
Have a silent gavel to stow it
Action from apathy, I just get up and leave

Somewhere, it is distant, from my past
Well, it criss-crossed something else, and arose
I tried to hide, or at least change the subject
(It was just a little secret)
To save a shave of shame, I lied
(I don't like standing in corners)

Somewhat a conflict over conversation
Jabs and words were spread and stabbed
I think and say one, yet feel another
For some reason of which even I'm unaware,
Really I must stand my ground
(I got her back, now it's even, or am I behind?)